Love Languages and Single People
- Nika Gem
- Feb 12
- 5 min read
Hi it's me again...
In the love month...
Writing about love...
But yet single...
And apparently based on the views I received, y'all love when I talk about love
So I'm back
Well sort of...
As the year descends into what is considered the semi controversial month of February, I am here yet again to tell you my opinion and leave my take on this 'love'.
(I swear I don't recall how I went about it the last time but feel free to read my other posts about love linked down below)
Now deep, deeep within me there is a love to be awakened. And so as most females I 'perfect' myself in hopes of one day meeting Mr Right.
Very cheesy, very stereotypical yet very true.
Now if you have been here before, you and I should know that I -this girl this writer is C-O-N-T-E-N-T. As someone who once made a whole 2 part series of how to be content as single Christian I am human, but I am okay.
Sure many have called and yet a few may have been chosen...incorrectly at that.
Yet my ultimate love story has not been birthed, like whatever. My love life is honestly borderline me being semi self obsessed, delusional and sad all at once.
See that self awareness? and now as you eagerly wait for me to get to the point, I again for the third year in a row will NOT talk about love, reeking with desperation and hints and perspectives.
Cause:
I am never desperate
Cannot give any hints (I am hint-ally challenged)
And my POV cannot help anyone in love as I am single
Now with that being said I can share my point of view on waiting, in this teddybear buying, restaurant-outing, pink frilled-chocolate-loving season.
How do you get love in the love season when love is not even in your phone book?
And how do you even know what you're looking for?
And most importantly...how would I know?
See as always Valentines day is just a Segway for me to talk about love in my own way.
Lets go!
What you need to know
The 5 Love Languages
Now there is a very popular book by a seasoned author, a very crucial book that I honestly appreciate and hold two versions of- because why not?
I have the standard 5 Love Languages and also 5 love languages singles edition. (the author has multiple versions as well)
So essentially this book details that to love someone, you first love yourself and I have succeeded in loving myself to the point I stop getting dressed up sometimes to just chill cause I almost had a problem...
This book has singlehandedly saved marriages and the singles edition has proactively saved singles and those potentially dating.
And loving one's self doesn't just mean physically but all the allies, and remember my favorite word is 'ally'. Physically, mentally, emotionally physically.
The 5 love languages are:
Words of affirmation
Physical touch
Gifts
Quality time
Acts of service
(I used this example as it covers multiple relationships not just romantically)
According to Chapman we either crave what we were once deprived of, or we avoid it completely.
You never got hugs as a child, in the future you cannot hug your spouse
You were always told good job after doing even the smallest tasks, fast forward you look forward to hearing that from your partner.
It's a cycle and its important that everyone knows how they work. Now of course before these terminologies came about, best believe they always existed. For years, centuries even, couples meet and realize a few years later, they don't show love the same way because they don't understand they love differently and they either grow apart or become stilted.
Now again as a Christian the greatest love of all time is Christ. But don't worry about this book even taking a way from that because people the author is a Christian! so this is a biblical perspective from someone with sense.
And as I would have said on my podcast, in my opinion love is love, the agape love, the this and that love, it doesn't exist in my book, Its one love and different bonds that solidify the love in question.
With that being said love is also subjective and just because you want John to give you roses every week and he happily obliges doesn't mean John wants you to take his money and buy him perfume every week either, he would much rather a love letter and 'I love yous' publicly broadcasted. We bleed the same, but apparently our hearts have different colors.
As a poet that was downright poetic
The book details, how important as individuals on our own we assess ourselves and discover what makes us ticks, how our other relationships that aren't romantic affect us now and reveal to us how we ultimately want to be treated on whole.
As a quality time and words of affirmation girly, I sound needy yes.
But that simply means if from the get go I know who I am, I will know what I want and from whom. Now I'm not saying everything will fall in line, cause things never do, but will it help the plot?
Yes!
On the Whole Woman Podcast I address how often times we have these insecurities and issues and problems that stick out, that we sweep under the rug that bite us back when we get into committed relationships with someone's 'perfect' son or daughter
Like are you mentally well?
Are you financially stable enough for a girl like Kim who wears six inch heels and Burberry as a habit?
Now perfection is nice but not easily attained and nothing is more beautiful than someone willing to meet you where you are at, but there are some traumas, some ideologies, some issues that are in us that seep into our relationships that we have the chance to fix from now.
Babes you will never be 'ready' enough nor will everything be 'right'
And if I want to really be real I may just add that Jesus could come tomorrow! Bye to you and your boyfriend or fiancé!
But until then we occupy, we not only sit and paint pictures and day dream. We earnestly develop and prepare the parts of us that need a bit more love and care. We recognize our patterns, we ask God to really allow us to be available for whom we want available to us.
Unions are beautiful and fulfilling but what is even more fulfilling is a healed and confident you.
As another month approaches why are you sad and questioning?
What about galentines?
What about your time?
Better yet-why not go to your bed?
Like seriously-is it that serious??
Other relationships to work on while you're single:
You and God
you and your deadbeat dad (sorry)
You and your never-gonna-grow-up mother
You and your unhealed self..
So as February 14th comes and leaves us and the months and the social media posts threaten to awaken envy, hate and break up some relationships, remember to invest in you to be a better you. God will grant you your hearts desire, continue to seek him and continue to hold it like a G
Happy Valentines day ma singles
A just one day!!
Scripture references
Psalm 37 vs 4 KJV. Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
1 Peter 5 vs 7 ESV. Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
Jeremiah 39 vs 11 ESV./ For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
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