28 Things I've Realized just isn't for Me-For my 28th Birthday (28 Things I've Rejected)

So it's here again, the time of year where I, Nika Gem, Sonika, The Gem Mind, or whatever million names I go by—was created.

Around this time, I came into being: ready to read, already bursting with emotion and vibrancy. And I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—I don’t believe in astrology, but the Gem is in I .Get it? Gem-In-I

I hope you do, because that’s an original.

Anyway—it’s my birthday.

Flawless

Well, it was on the 12th.I had to cool off, take a moment, focus…Now I’m here—with my birthday post.

Let’s go!

Two things can be true, and that is 10 plus ten equals 20, and 4 plus 4 equals 8. So I should be eating—have ate—and should continue to eat twice as much this year. #28

With that being declared, this is the beginning of my year. My year in which I should tell you I have many hopes and dreams-instead I'm going to give you a list. Firstly, let me thank the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, 'cause truly I don't always know how I even make it.

And as what can be called tradition for me, I'm gonna list and I'm gonna share my preferences to my not necessarily invisible audience (but y’all don't interact much—I however see the visits and I see the reads), and props to everyone who has ever reached out and commented on or off the page. I see you!

Now for the year 28, I'll be addressing the things I no longer need to hear, the things I've rejected, and the things I'm no longer doing. It's all about healthy restrictions—lessons I've learned by 28 that have to do with boundaries, my now non-negotiables. So here it is. 28 things I've realized just aren't for me. Yeah, let's call it that. (Both as a Christian and overall)

1. The Modesty Debate.

   There's the medium-length skirt, the knee-length skirt, the cap sleeve versus the sleeves to the elbows, and the headscarves versus veils. I just can't do it anymore—and by doing it, I mean talking about it and convincing someone which is right or which is wrong. Now, this is not to say I don't know right from wrong and that I'm gonna smile at butt shorts in the house of the Lord.

   
   

   I just have not been called to preach on modesty as my own personal ministry. I have been convicted, of course, to understand curves and whatnot, but I also won't believe my dress code alone is a contributor to the lust of males, especially if I have no intention of attracting such. So yeah, I know what to do—but give the "wear this" platform to someone else.

   
   
   
   

2. Begging for friendships.

   I'm over it. If I don't hear from you, if I see the truth, if I feel some type of way—sure, I can say it, but repeating myself asking for inclusion is not my prerogative.

   
   
   
   

3. City Girls Rule

   At this point, fast life means having to move fast so the bus doesn't miss you, the job doesn't write you up—it's not for me. I need a pace that doesn't cause me to break a sweat unnecessarily.

   
   

4. I love long drives for leisure and pleasure, not for commuting.

   Two hours to get to work? Not for me. Two hours plus load? Definitely not for me. Two hours plus load and more than one vehicle to take to get to the destination? I'm lowkey triggered by long journeys and public transport at this point.

   
   
   
   

5. Time is not my friend.

   Sure, it's never too late to live, to build, to learn, or even grow—but guess what? Time waits on no one. You say tomorrow you'll exercise and tomorrow comes and you get an all-exclusive trip to a hotel for an all-you-can-eat buffet—START SWEATING NOW, SELF!!

   
   

6. I̶ ̶a̶m̶ ̶a̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ ̶p̶l̶e̶a̶s̶e̶r̶—wait, remember this is about rejection.

   So yeah, I used to be a people pleaser. When I like someone, my love language—which is quality time and words of affirmation—unleashes an uncontrollable urge inside me to start saying nice things and giving people undivided attention and beautiful words even when they don't deserve it.

   And I won’t change who I am. I truly, genuinely have a strong need to tell every pretty female she’s pretty, every talented person they're amazing, and the availability to go to Mars, Venus, the Atlantic whenever a loved one needs me to do so. I can’t help it—that’s how I was made. HOWEVER, I am no longer pleasing people who don’t even show signs that they like me or can’t reciprocate any form of love to me—they just use and use and use. I'm DONE.

   
   

7. I am no longer waiting until someone hurts me 5 times in a row until I speak up.

   I am in denial when someone offends me, when someone belittles me, when someone is harsh towards me. I am naïve—no wait, I was naïve to a point I believed if I denied what seems like offense and turned a blind eye, it won't happen again—WRONG! See, I don’t know if it’s because I’m 5 feet 1, I look young, or because I’m reserved, but I'm always in a position where someone tries to push me over. Yeah, I'm getting too old for that.

   
   

8. No one can trick me about marriage!

   Especially in the church—some of you are miserable, unhappy, and the only thing you have is years. And if you're young, it's a desire to become intimate, have a caretaker, and make babies. The foundation was unidentified, the attraction nil, the love nonexistent. No one—and I mean no one—can force me down the aisle.

   
   

9. Compromise for a relationship, baby, or a marriage.

   I know my limits, my life, and myself. I've said it before and I have said it again: a young mother doesn’t mean a better mother. And I'll add—my path is not like everyone else's. I've seen married men outside of their marriages—I'm not rushing. And who knows? As someone who wasn't raised in church, maybe I'll look up alternate nunneries for people saved later on in life (stop worrying about me).

10. Until I become the next big thing...

    The reality is, people I know rarely will support me. They need to see me on the morning show and then go "a true she always a write" after having read 1 of 1,000 pieces—and it's fine now.

    
    

11. I no longer will perform—for art, for love, for church

    I wholeheartedly do everything with—as the word suggests—my whole heart.

    
    

12. I can no longer be a juror or defender of myself.

    Believe it, wait until I say it, or just continue—I will no longer say no to rumors. And I understand I am, for whatever reason, easily perceived.

    
    

13. I will not drown my confidence to make someone feel better.

    (If you lack confidence, don't blame me—blame your parents.)And yet I will never overpower my abilities to try and fit in.

    
    

14. There are good females, and there are females simply insecure, traumatized, and cannot love on another female (platonically).

    They sit, they observe, and they either emulate or they simply hate.

    
    

15. Similar to 13, I know what I’m working with.

    And if my friends want more in terms of telling me to do this or that to fit with them, when I'm already reassured—or if a male likes me and tells me his type, his preference—they all can move along.

    
    

16. Knowing the Bible verses back to back is beautiful...

    But what happens when you don’t live it out and you seem robotic and inhumane just the same? I can’t with the on-the-surface people.

    
    

17. I will never TELL you who I am

    MY privacy is mine. But as for proving my abilities, I'm sorry—I'm a NOBODY. Focus on Jesus

18. People who brag and say they're humble, real, loyal, accusing someone of being 'badmind' in every moment...

    You most times ARE NOT and instead project out loud your inability to be so. Or in the case of calling people badmind day in and day out—the fear of becoming so. The Bible says, “Whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased, and whosoever humbleth himself shall be exalted” a.k.a. self-praise is no recommendation. Talking 'bout “I'm loyal” in every sentence—please.

    
    

19. Opinions change as we grow. Morals don’t.

    Sure, we evolve and we learn, but guess what? If I knew 20 years ago eating spicy food sends me to the bathroom nonstop 'cause of an irreversible medical condition—even to the hospital—then present day, why would it change suddenly? So if morals have been cemented in history before you were born, sure, you grow, change, and evolve—but core values and “wrong or right” won’t change. Stop looking for excuses to be wild, nasty, and rebellious.

    
    

20. Singing, music, and preaching are the only acceptable talents for church.

    Okay, so no one outright said this, but these are what are displayed—and it's oftentimes limited, sometimes a routine and performative, and lacks the anointing. While people will paint a reflection of God’s handiwork in the sky but never get acknowledged 'cause it's not traditional enough—I reject that.

    
    

21. You need to tell a sob story in the midst of every setback in order to move forward.

    By this I mean—you’re late for work and really you never intended to be late for work and actually you probably had a mental breakdown before you left—guess what? No one cares, often can’t comprehend. You made it in, apologize, and move ahead.

22. Now this is opposite to 21 and that’s testifying about even trivial things...Or being afraid to publicly declare what God has done for you. I don’t mean to tell the world you've had boiled eggs unwillingly for a whole month with nothing else, nor that you live in the car parked in the parking lot outside of the apartment—'cause truly, I’ve realized more times than true—people don’t care. And even so, sometimes we have to grow through what we go through—so yes, you’re protein-filled and sleeping in the car. When that’s over with, if you want to tell the world, I am all for it—especially when it’s God getting the glory.

    
    

    6 more to go!!!

    
    

23. People will sometimes be annoyed at someone like me who can become vulnerable and open...

    But guess what? I’m open online or in person 'cause I’ve already overcome.

    
    

24. Speaking of open—overly secretive people could never and can never be my friend.

    Keyword: SECRETIVE, not private.

    
    

25. I have an excellent discernment when it comes to knowing if a relationship or situation will cease or continue.

    Truly, I believe all of us have the feeling—the ability to know, to feel—when something or someone is not for you or when it’s over. Like, deep within us.

    
    

26. My frontal lobe has developed massively—

    So I feel, I rarely crave instant gratification. There is almost like a newly realized perception on the life I live and how I live it.

    
    

27. When you're healed, you'll know

    Before or after going to the therapist, there will be signs. You may not understand them, but you understand what they indicate.

28. We think God is looking for perfect

    But sometimes it’s a realization of how flawed we are. The perfect church is what He will return for. But us, as humans, are perplexed, fighting battles of the flesh, and therefore are prone to fault—not saying to run to become faulty, but we will stumble. Not saying we should presumptuously flock to what’s bad—but it’s just a reminder to use the time to continue.

    
    

    BONUS

    
    

29. NO ONE can make me feel ashamed about GOD or tell me about God—Yet I want to say that as a Christian, it’s my duty to share God. If everyone was so in tune with the God of the Bible, we would have not only more righteously saved persons—we would have more SAVED persons according to the standard in the bible on a whole.

So as we come to a close-thank you again for clicking. Until next time peace out!

Scripture reference

 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.-1 Corinthians 13:11 KJV

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31 NIV